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Group Therapy 4/24/2016
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session
with four young mothers and their small . "You
all have obsessions, " he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed
with eating. You've even named your Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession
is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your 's
name, Penny."
He turned to the ...
0 Comments, 142 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Exhaustion 4/23/2016
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider
a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness,
or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no
other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asks, "What would you say if tomorrow ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
12 Votes
,6.33 Score
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Want Some of This... 4/20/2016
A woman wants to surprise her husband for their 25th anniversary.
She decides to go out buy some sexy lingerie. She picks up
some crotch less panties and a new bra.
When the hubby gets home from work she's sprawled out
on the bed wearing her new lingerie. In her sexiest voice
she says "Do you want some of this, big boy?”
Slightly frightened, the man exclaims "Hell no,
look ...
1 Comments, 109 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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bottles up!!! 4/17/2016
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store
with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle
of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused
and said "Because I don't believe you are over
21." The robber said he was, but the clerk ...
3 Comments, 115 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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bottles up!!! 4/17/2016
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store
with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle
of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused
and said "Because I don't believe you are over
21." The robber said he was, but the clerk ...
2 Comments, 29 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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50th Wedding Anniversary 4/16/2016
At the Parish Church, they have a weekly mens' marriage
seminar.
At the session last week, Father asked Rufus, who was approaching
his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he had managed to stay married
to the same woman all these years.
Rufus replied to the assembled husbands - "Well,
I try my best to treat her real nice, with respect, ...
2 Comments, 129 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Nurse check-up 4/16/2016
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an
oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge
bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask.
"Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't
know, Sir I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, ...
1 Comments, 132 Views,
14 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Want Coffee 4/16/2016
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling
a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want
coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, no problem, coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks
the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks ...
1 Comments, 110 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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W__Y 4/16/2016
A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to
have her name tattooed on his penis, her name was Wendy.
The tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it
was not erect all you could see was W Y.
Shortly after the couple was married and they were honeymooning
in Jamaica, the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing
next to him was a Jamaican man who also ...
0 Comments, 99 Views,
9 Votes
,5.78 Score
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What Are You Laughing About? 4/15/2016
Two guys were walking through the jungle and got captured
by a group of cannibals.
The cannibals put them in a huge pot and start to boil the
water.
All of a sudden one of the guys started laughing.
"What are you laughing about?" the other guy
says, "We are about to be eaten!"
And the other man replied, "I peed in their soup!"
0 Comments, 46 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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reality!!! 4/12/2016
I was out shopping and my total was $36.50. So I gave the girl
at the register two twenties, six dollars and fifty cents
so I would get a $10. The little girl looked at the money then
looked at me then looked at the money then looked at me. With
a look like I was the biggest idiot she had ever seen she said
"I don't need this." And gave me my 6.50
back. I collected my 3.50 in change and walked ...
1 Comments, 91 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Golf is a dangerous game 4/11/2016
Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned
my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived
in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called
out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"
"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks, "
I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.
"John, " she said, (firm loose breasts undulating
beneath her white ...
0 Comments, 107 Views,
9 Votes
,6.20 Score
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The Human Vase 4/10/2016
Two girlfriends where walking down the street and one sees
her boyfriend in a flower store buying flowers and tells
her friend "shit I hate when my boyfriend buys me flowers
he always expects something from me”. Her friend says,
"What’s wrong with that I think its sweet".
The girl says I am tired of laying on my back with my legs spread
open for three days”. Her friend replies: "Why
don't ...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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men .....luv them!!! 4/4/2016
Men Are Like
Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
..Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
..Bike helmets. They're good in emergencies but usually just look
silly.
..Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
..Copiers. You need them in reproduction but that's about it.
..Lava ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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love to laff 4/3/2016
Anyone got any good jokes.post them
0 Comments, 11 Views,
1 Votes
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Satan and Clinton 4/2/2016
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation
was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan
appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming
and running for the front entrance, trampling each other
in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for Bill Clinton who sat
calmly in his pew without moving, ...
1 Comments, 153 Views,
14 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Car Deal 4/2/2016
An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership to find
the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful,
leggy, busty blonde.
"I thought you said you would hold that car till we
raised the $75, 000 asking price, " said the man. "Yet I just heard
you closed the deal for $65, 000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted
there could be no discount on this ...
1 Comments, 143 Views,
13 Votes
,6.33 Score
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wanna bet? 3/30/2016
A little old lady walked into the main branch of the Chase
Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to open
an account with the bank and deposit the $3 million she had
in the bag. She said that prior to doing so she wished to meet the president
of the bank due to the large amount of money involved. The teller opened the bag and saw ...
1 Comments, 138 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
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Dude goes to his buddies... 3/30/2016
Dude goes over to his buddy's house, rings the bell,
and the wife answers.
Hi, is Tony home? No, he went to the store. Well, you mind if I wait? No, come in?
They sit down and Dude says, Ya know, you have the greatest
tits I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if
I could just see one.
Chick thinks about this for a second and figures what the
fuck - a hundred ...
1 Comments, 127 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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4 kinds of sex 3/27/2016
There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over
the house in every room. BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you
only have sex in the bedroom. HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many
years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK
YOU" COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in
the divorce court in ...
2 Comments, 59 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Dudes 25th Anniversary... 3/27/2016
Dude and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked Dude, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" Dude replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Whats for breakfast 3/27/2016
One day, a family of a mother and two boys, Timmy and Tommy,
were riding in their car on the way to church. Timmy leaned
over, smacked Tommy across the head, and Tommy yelled out
"You Motherfucker!" later that day in church,
the mom went to talk to the priest. she said "Father,
my boys just won't stop swearing and I don't know
what to do." the priest says "Well, have you
tried smacking them?" she ...
0 Comments, 125 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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3 Wishes 3/27/2016
One day Dude was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of the way. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most, your ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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The Blonde Husband 3/27/2016
Two women are having lunch together, discussing the merits
of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman says, ‘I need to be honest with you, I’m
getting a boob job.’ The second woman says, ‘Oh that’s
nothing, I’m thinking of having my asshole bleached.’
The first woman replies, ‘Funny, I just can’t picture
your husband as a blonde.’
0 Comments, 56 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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A Rabbi, a Priest and an Imam... 3/25/2016
Let's see who I can offend with one joke.
A Nun, Sister Mary Margaret approaches the parish Priest
with a concern:
"Father I am terribly ashamed. I have been having
the most impure thoughts about S. E. X. lately. What should
I do?"
"Sister Mary Margaret, You must purify your soul
by taking a bath in milk"
So the good Sister goes to the dairy man to buy ...
0 Comments, 92 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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all in the drink! 3/22/2016
Bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's
personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed
separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to Earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass. Your ...
3 Comments, 103 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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Love thy Neighbor 3/22/2016
One evening, a wife drew her husband’s attention to the
couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How
devote they are? He kisses her everytime they meet. Why
don’t you do that?”
“I would love to, ” replied the husband, “but I don’t
know her well enough.”
0 Comments, 62 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Sex on Mars 3/22/2016
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple
and are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stock-market, if they have laptop
computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen
brings up the subject of sex. “Just how do you guys do it?”
asks Maureen.
“Pretty much the way ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Perfect Tits 3/22/2016
Dude was walking down the street sees a woman with perfect
tits. He says to her, “Hey, would you let me bite your tits for
$100 dollars?”
“Are you nuts?!” – she replies, and keeps walking
away.
Dude turns around, runs around the block and gets to the
corner before she does. “Would you let me bite your tits for $1, 000 dollars?”
– he asks again.
“Listen ...
1 Comments, 118 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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If you will recall... 3/22/2016
Dude’s girlfriend was in labor with they first .
She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.”
She looked at him and said, “You did this to me you of
a bitch!”
Dude casually replied, “If you would care to remember,
I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, ‘it’ll
be too painful!’.”
0 Comments, 46 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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