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If you will recall... 3/22/2016
Dude’s girlfriend was in labor with they first .
She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.”
She looked at him and said, “You did this to me you of
a bitch!”
Dude casually replied, “If you would care to remember,
I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, ‘it’ll
be too painful!’.”
0 Comments, 46 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Boiled Eggs 3/21/2016
She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
He walks in. She turns and says, “You’ve got to make
love to me – this very moment.”
His eyes light up and he thinks, “This is my lucky day.”
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then
gives it his all on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she says, “Thanks, ” and returns to the
stove. More than ...
1 Comments, 89 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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DINNER DATE 3/20/2016
A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.
Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away)
suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair
and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his
chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman dining ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
11 Votes
,4.85 Score
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Elderly Customer 3/20/2016
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he
would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks
at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old, " he says.
"Ninety!" replies the woman. "Don't
you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry, " says the old man. "How much
do I owe you?"
0 Comments, 60 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Blonde Patient 3/20/2016
A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine, " he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have
a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right,
won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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Marriage Retreat 3/20/2016
At the marriage retreat, Amy and John were told to individually
write a sentence using the words sex and love.
Amy wrote: When two mature people are passionately and
deeply in love with one another and respect each other very
much, just like John and I, it is spiritually and morally
acceptable for them to engage in the act of sex with one another.
And John wrote: I love sex
0 Comments, 64 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Exciting Wedding 3/20/2016
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place
by the altar, when the best man notices that the groom has
the biggest, brightest smile on his face. The best man says,
Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but whats
up? You look so excited.
The groom replies, I just had the best blow job I have ever
had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman ...
0 Comments, 92 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Just making sure... 3/19/2016
Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with
other women, " she charged. "You're being unreasonable, " Adam responded.
"You're the only woman on earth!" The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be
awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam
demanded. "Counting your ribs, " said Eve!
0 Comments, 45 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Dude shares a room 3/19/2016
By the time Dude pulled into the small town every hotel room
was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into
the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he
pleaded. "Or just a bed - I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, "
admitted the manager, "And he might be glad to split
the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loud that ...
2 Comments, 95 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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The moral of the story 3/19/2016
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
0 Comments, 21 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Dude goes to the barber shop... 3/19/2016
Dude stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and
said, "About 2 hours." Dude left. A few days later, Dude stuck his head in the door and asked,
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." Dude left. A week later, Dude stuck his head in the shop ...
1 Comments, 71 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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oh come on 3/17/2016
Wife: Oh, come on. Husband: Leave me alone! Wife: It won't take long. Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards. Wife: Yeah, well I can't sleep without it. Husband: Why do you always do this in the middle of the night?
Wife: Because I'm hot. Husband: You get hot at the craziest times. Wife: If you love me, I wouldn't have to beg you. Husband: If you love me, you'd be more considerate.
...
2 Comments, 105 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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Its a Miricle... 3/17/2016
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed
away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the
casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring
the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Man's best friend 3/17/2016
OK, So your barking is at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in.
Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!
0 Comments, 34 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Old dude goes to the doctor... 3/17/2016
So, this 85-year-old dude's doctor asks for a sperm
count as part of dude's physical exam. The doctor gave the old dude a jar and said, "Take this
jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the old dude comes back to the doctor's
office and gave him the jar, clean and empty. The doctor asked, what happened and the old dude explained.
"Well, doc, it's like ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Alimony 3/17/2016
A divorce court judge said to the husband, "Mr Geraghty, I have reviewed this case very carefully
and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair, your honour, " he
replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few
bucks myself."
1 Comments, 36 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Somebody Stole My Car Officer 3/17/2016
A well dress but obviously intoxicated gentleman stumbled
up to a policeman at a busy downtown intersection and voiced
a thick-tongued complaint.
“Somebody stole my car, officer, ” he announced groggily.
“I had it right here on the tip of my ignition key.”
“We’ll go right to the station and report it, ” the
cop replied, amused at the guy’s condition.
...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Lets get Mikie... 3/15/2016
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery,
and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian
determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators
noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the ...
1 Comments, 90 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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Stranded Lawyers 3/15/2016
Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several
months. The only other thing on the island was the tall coconut
tree, that provided them their food. Each day, one of the
lawyers climbed to the top of the tree, to see if he could
see a rescue boat coming.
One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow!
I can't believe my eyes! I don't believe this is
true! "and told ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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Finger vs Ear 3/15/2016
While having drinks a man and a woman got into an argument
about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously
enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so
obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything, " the woman
countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches
and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull
it out, which feels better-your ear ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Right time, right place?!! 3/15/2016
I'm in this very dirty place, right. Just stroking
my cock here. As soon as I get in to it, this guy walks in and
says, wow nice cock, it's so big!! So I say, what would
you like to do with it? He says, what do you mean? So I say,
sex, what you want? He says, the good kind! So I say, I'm
sorry, just a sexxy cock here. Then he says, but I like sexxy
cock......
1 Comments, 61 Views,
3 Votes
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Dude bumps into some chick 3/15/2016
So, dude is in a hotel lobby. As he turns to go to the front
desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and
his elbow goes into her tits. So dude turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your
heart is as soft as your titties, I know you'll excuse
me." She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow,
I'm in room 436."
1 Comments, 43 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Dude walks into an elevator 3/15/2016
So, dude walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful
woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!" "Hmmm, " he replies. "It must be your feet, then."
1 Comments, 40 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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What's The Hurry 3/14/2016
This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line
up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer. So the
bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and
the man is right behind him drinking them straight down.
The bartender says, hay buddy whats your hurry?
The man says if you had what I have you would do the same thing.
The bartender backs up and says ...
1 Comments, 62 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Problem Solving 101 3/13/2016
 Husband: Honey, I have problems at work. Wife: Not "I", but "we" have problems
- since we are married, your problems are mine problems
as well. Husband: Ok, then I wanted to let you know that our office-girl
got pregnant from us.
2 Comments, 40 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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Alotta 'splanin to do... 3/12/2016
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those
30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex.
He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please
her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years
she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip
the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She
said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" ...
1 Comments, 60 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score
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Birds and bees and things that please 3/12/2016
Mom's in the kitchen making dinner, when her
walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The
mother says, “Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married.
One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug,
and have sex.” The girl looks confused so the mother tells
her, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s
vagina. That’s how you get a baby..” The seems to ...
1 Comments, 71 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Fighting technique skill... 3/12/2016
They say if he is bigger kick him in the dingding! If his cocks
really huge then take a high powered rifle to it! Make sure
it's a silver bullet too!! He'll defiantly feel
that one!!
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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The dirty dyed guy..... 3/11/2016
So I'm in this perfect neighborhood just smoking my
pipe here. When, just then, this guy walks up to me, and asks me someting. He said that I got a nice pipe there can
I suck it? So I say that this huge sexxy cock is just one step
away from you. So he asks which foot should I put forward?
3 Comments, 43 Views,
1 Votes
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Dude goes to hell 3/11/2016
So, this dude goes to hell... When he gets there a demon strolls up and says "How's
it goin'" Dude says, "Pretty fucked up" "Why" asks the demon. Dude says "Well, To begin with I died and I'm in
hell" The demon says, "DUDE, ya act like its the end of the
world.. Hells GREAT" "Let me ask ya something, do ya like to drink"
Dude says, "HELL YEAH" "YOUR GONNA LOVE MONDAYS!" says the demon "Monday
is ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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