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Tooth brush 12/10/2015
It is obvious that the tooth brush was invented by a hillbilly.
If anyone else had invented it it would be called a teeth
brush.
0 Comments, 24 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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The "Question" 12/7/2015
The little boy runs into the house. "Mommy, where
did I come from?"
She hesitates and then decides he's old enough and
takes him into the bedroom. She strips and lays on the bed.
She spreads her legs and has him get between them. She points
to her hole and says, "You came from here."
The boy started whooping and hollering and ran out of the
house. His buddy hears him and ...
2 Comments, 234 Views,
15 Votes
,3.74 Score
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Bad fit 12/7/2015
Guy going to same Doc for years keeps complaining of recurring
migraines. After the tenth time the Doc tells him: '...I've
done some research and if we castrate you that should relieve
a lot of pressure and the bad headaches will clear up.'
The guy balks and leaves the office. A month and two migraines
later, he's back and consents to the operation. Everything goes well and he's feeling so ...
1 Comments, 123 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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what an ass!!! 12/6/2015
A married couple in their early sixties...
were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet
and romantic restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny beautiful fairy
appeared on their table.
She said, “For being such an exemplary married couple
and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will
grant you each one wish.”
The wife answered, “Oh, I ...
2 Comments, 131 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
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benny who? 12/6/2015
A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off that he
knows everybody. So his buddy bets $10 the next person to
walk in the bar didn't know him. Somebody walks in the
bar and says "Hey Benny what's up?" so the
guy then bets him $100 he doesn't know the first person
they see outside walking down the street. So they go outside
and see some one coming up to the bar and says "Hey Benny
how are ...
2 Comments, 113 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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Blonde Cop 12/6/2015
Blonde cop pulls over Blonde speeder. Blonde cop need to see your drivers license Blonde speeder digs thru her purse and asks What does it
look like? Blonde cop It has your picture on it silly! Blonde speeder digs thru purse again and pulls out a compact
and opens it Is this it? Hands it to blonde cop Blonde cop Well had I known you were a Police Officer I would
have let you go right away!
3 Comments, 56 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Itish Men Declare War 12/3/2015
Irish man declares war Saddam Hussein is sitting at
home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello".
The voice at the end of the phone says "Hello Mr. Hussein,
it is Paddy here. I am just ringing to let you know that we
have declared war on your country." SH smiles to himself,
"Come on Paddy", he says, "there is no
point you declaring war on us, you would not stand a chance."
Paddy ...
3 Comments, 84 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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Hospital Blues 12/3/2015
A woman called Mount Sainai Hospital. She said "Mount
Sainai Hospital? hello, darling. I would like to talk with
the person who gives the information about the patients.
But I do not want to know if the patient is better or doing
like expected, or worse. I want all the information from
top to bottom, from a to z." The voice on the other line
said "would you hold the line please, that is a very ...
2 Comments, 75 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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The Bet 12/3/2015
A little old lady went into the Headquarters of Bank of America
carrying a large bag of money. She insisted that she speak
with the president of the bank to open a savings account.
The receptionist objected, stating “You can't
just walk in here and expect to see the president of the Bank
of America. He's a very busy man.”
“But I'm here to make a very large cash deposit, ...
2 Comments, 161 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
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The Statue 12/3/2015
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said. “Stand
in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him
and then dusted him with talcum powder. “Don't move
until I tell you to, ” she whispered. “Just pretend
you're a statue.”
“What's this honey?” her husband asked as he entered
the room.
...
2 Comments, 134 Views,
10 Votes
,5.58 Score
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oh shit!!! 12/3/2015
********************************** Doc, " says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about
for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?"
asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation
and once it's done, there's no going back. It will
change ...
3 Comments, 91 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score
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A bargain 12/3/2015
Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge,
so he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware
store Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while
she was waiting for Joe Bob to finish waiting on a customer.
When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for
the teapot? Joe Bob replied "That's silver and
it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that ...
5 Comments, 108 Views,
9 Votes
,5.56 Score
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Heros 12/2/2015
Three on the corner talking about their families.
Boy #1: my granddad served in Vietnam and has all kind of
medals. Boy #2: my dad was in Iraq and saved his whole platoon
from an ambush. That's brave...he's a hero. Boy
#3 had to think awhile: well last night I heard my dad tell
mom that if she'd turn off the light he'd eat it.
That's pretty brave eating glass and mom called him
'my ...
1 Comments, 69 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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lets make a deal!! 12/1/2015
man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist
and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were
no males employed there. She then asked if there was something
she could help the gentleman with. The man said "this
is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection
which causes me a lot of problems and ...
2 Comments, 100 Views,
8 Votes
,5.80 Score
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Don't Mess with Seniors 12/1/2015
There were protesters at the grocery store handing out
pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined
to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish)
female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely
declined.
The young protester put her hand on the old woman's
shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice
the young lady ...
4 Comments, 153 Views,
12 Votes
,6.51 Score
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Literary 11/30/2015
Read any good books lately? How about these: 'The Glass
Bra' by Seymore Tits, "Who Goosed the Moose'
by Antlers In the Tree Tops, 'Snake Also Rises'
by Flute Player and that classic 'Yoke-less Eggs'
by Rosters with Rubbers.
2 Comments, 42 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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golfing 11/27/2015
Two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off, one drive
goes to the right, and one drive goes to the left.
One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs
a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful
second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of
the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her
path to ...
5 Comments, 150 Views,
14 Votes
,5.54 Score
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wtf??? 11/27/2015
A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation
is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the
medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet,
and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and
confers with another man in a white coat. The second man
then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.
When a third man approaches her, ...
3 Comments, 123 Views,
8 Votes
,6.03 Score
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Depressed 11/25/2015
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink.
"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't
talking to me for a month!"
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says,
"Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You
know, ..a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But ...
2 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Murphy the Golfer 11/23/2015
One day on Lucky Hole #13, Murphy finally makes his first
hole-in-one. Immediately, a leprechaun leaps into view
and congratulates him.
The leprechaun says, "For this hole-in-one, I will
grant ye' one wish."
The Irishman replies, "Can ye' make me pecker
a wee bit longer."
"Done" says the leprechaun.
By the 14th hole the Murphy can tell something ...
4 Comments, 141 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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happy anniversary baby!!! 11/23/2015
A man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary: - Darling, have you been unfaithful to me? - Yes, honey, three times. - When was the first time? - Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but
nobody would give you any credit? And finally the CEO of
the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you. - Thanks, darling. And when was the second time? - Do you remember when you ...
6 Comments, 153 Views,
8 Votes
,6.03 Score
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The Day's Catch 11/23/2015
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of
the Smoky Lake Tavern.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing, ' replied the old man.
'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited
the ...
5 Comments, 85 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Army Induction 11/23/2015
Fifty one years ago, Herman James, a West Virginia mountain
man, was drafted by the army.
On his first day, the army issued him a comb. That afternoon, the army barber sheared off all his hair.
On the second day, the army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon, the army dentist yanked out seven of his
rotten teeth.
On the third day, the army issued him a jock strap. ...
2 Comments, 63 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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poets!!!! 11/22/2015
it seems that two of the great Romantic British Poets, Shelly
and Keats, died on the same day. When they got to heaven St.
Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I only have room for
one poet. I'll tell you what I'll do. Each of you
must make up a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.'
The one who creates the best poem I'll let into heaven."
So Shelly goes first. He thinks a bit and after a few moments, ...
2 Comments, 80 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES: 11/22/2015
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY
GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE
TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF
AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS.
REMEMBER TO SET A TIMER.
4. A ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Circumcised 11/21/2015
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class
was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying
attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just
recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to ...
2 Comments, 170 Views,
12 Votes
,3.68 Score
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Interesting choice of food 11/21/2015
This is for real. People are so creative. Ill let the picture
speaks for itself.
3 Comments, 70 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Here After Quandary 11/21/2015
Having met on FuckBookHookups and after 7 Es back & forth, this couple
finally makes a date. He takes her to a nice restaurant,
where he wines & dines her. After desert he proposes
a nice Motel within walking distance and she accepts. It's
a nice little room and he gently asks: 'You need the
bathroom first?' "No...you go ahead."
10 min.s later he pops out nude and is surprised to see her
sitting on the ...
1 Comments, 91 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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The new milking machine 11/19/2015
A farmer ordered a hi-tech milking machine. Since the equipment
arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test
it on himself first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment,
turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he learned that the equipment provided him with much
more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though,
he ...
3 Comments, 176 Views,
11 Votes
,4.85 Score
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growth! 11/19/2015
A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen
so she goes to her neighbor with her problem. The neighbor
says, "All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance
around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes
will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red."
The woman goes out at midnight and dances around her garden
naked for a few minutes. The next morning, ...
3 Comments, 95 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
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